BeautiFul sTranGER


Tuesday, November 14, 2006

being deprived in the chasidic community

I'm feeling angry and resentful today...Perhaps I had a little time to do some thinking..which people tend to try to avoid.

I'll let you guyz have a sneak peak at a difficult situation
in my life, which I thought i'd share....
Many of you can probably relate to this...

I dont wanna be tangled up in a louzy, non potential office position, for all eternity. I want to have choices....Wanna have options.....I want to be able to go to college if I please..... Have a satisfying career if I wish.....I dont want to spend the rest of my life dreaming my dream.....I want to live my dream......without having many many many many.....many difficulties....!

I was a deprived kid growing up in a very frum religious community. I was deprived from lots of stuff....stuff...which every healthy, normal, thriving girl needs and deserves having in her life. Now, one of the things I was never lucky enough to have is a normal education. My parents sent me to a very religious school...thats basicaly as frum and fanatic as a school can ever be, which had a very poor curriculum and education.
There mentality is that a women, as soon as she reaches child baring age should get pregnant, give birth, get pregnat again, and have as many kids as its humanly possible. Her job is to stay at home be a slave to her husband, the kids, the household and basically be a "housewife"...which is the fancy word they've named it

The way these people avoid teaching many subjects (in school) which they consider too goyish/ secular for the controled, narrow minded minds. Theyd neglect giving exams which is required to be given in every legal school. Students are banned from entering the most evil place in the world, which is called "a public library". The diploma which is given upon graduation isnt worth more then a piece of scrap paper! (being that one didnt complete subjects and exams that are required by the board of education)
Anyway, I can go on and on and on...but i think all of you dear ppl get the picture.

There soul purpose to all that, is cutting off every possible route, and doing everything in their power to make it very hard or almost impossible for a young person to have success in the outside world and be able to live a normal life.

( I wont even get into how difficult it is to make ends meet and the poverty thats going on among chasidic men..for the well known and sad reasons such as: No education, which resulted in: illiteracy, very poor english language, poor communication skills, no job experience....and etc...

And theyre all pretty damn convinced that theyll spare one's soul from deffinite hell, by doing what theyre doing. And convinced that theyll be going strait to paradise (gan eden), by protecting us from the filthy (tumena) world. And for doing whatever the hell they call righteousness.

Now, im trying to understand this... a deffinite eternal paradise...? for turning a persons life into misery and a life long struggle?

What hypocracy and narrow mindedness...!


  • At November 14, 2006, Blogger Y.Y. said…

    calm down its not nearly as bad as you put it honey

  • At November 14, 2006, Blogger reluctant rebel said…

    Sorry, honey I really feel for you! Hope your venting does something to help.

  • At November 14, 2006, Blogger Sara with NO H said…

    It really isn't that bad. Girls get much more of a secular education than boys do. Just looking at your writing, I can see what an intelligent woman you are. If you're strong enough to vent about it, maybe you're strong enough to overcome some of the stereotypes that are brought on all of us. I went to religious schools and my creative side for the most part is conquering. Don't be afraid to be yourself. I'm not saying put on a mini skirt and go buy a motorcycle, but there are ways of expression that can make you feel really great and be accepted at the same time.
    Cheer up.

  • At November 14, 2006, Blogger your ok im ok said…

    I understand u fully beautiful.

    i just recently realized that my diploma is worth sh*t. it took a while but i came to my senses and discovered my passion, and im planning on getting my ged then im off to college!!! whether its online or actual on campus.

    your soo right with all u say. in satmer we did get a decent education that gave me a foundation to work on. but they didnt stress how important a diploma is. college?? what for my principle asked me recently when i called for my diploma before realizing it wasnt even signed! lol. lol.

    im planning on calling her back and givin it to her.

    beautiful, dont dispair, there are online courses u can take, btw this organization footseps gives u free classes to earn your ged. thers a way out.

    i saw this satmer girl in college. shes gonna be a RN cool eh/? u can do it too. dont let your past drag u down

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger beautiful-stranger said…


    I dont recall exaggerating with anything i've mentioned.


    Venting does help for some weird reason.


    Thank you! your compliments were appreciated
    I am strong willed...I have to be..cuz thats the only way i'd ever get to see myself living the life i want to live. And having survived a rather difficult life, molded me into an even stronger women. I am following my dreams. At least im trying to...and its not easy. But I'll try to take it day by day which may help put my anxiety at ease

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger reluctant rebel said…

    Way to go girl!
    (and no, I don't think you exagerated at all)

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger beautiful-stranger said…

    your ok:

    Not only is the diploma worth
    sh-t, but a relative of mine got in contact with her former principal and asked her to release her school records and credits, in order to be able to get into college. The principal "refused" to release any of her records saying, she doesnt want to be part of "the sin".....where does she get the rights to do that?!

    I do know about footsteps, thank you. you can also get your GED through a program called BOCES which is goverment funded and free. I'ts very hard taking online courses. I'd rather sit in a class and have the guidence and support of a teacher.
    you want to work, earn a living, and be financialy independant, and at the same go to school and have a college education.

    How does one manage doing all of that when you have the responsibilities of being a mom???

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger your ok im ok said…

    very true beautiful, thats y my laundry is rarely folded. i cant help it we need the money. thanks for your advice

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger your ok im ok said…

    btw gimme the number of that assh-le of a priciple. id like to show her sin

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger beautiful-stranger said…

    well, the laundry is the least of a problem.I'd feel like i'd be abandoning my child if I would settle for school in the evening as well as working full time during the day.
    you need her number to show her sin...?
    I'm afraid i cant help you be nichshal a yiddishe neshuma like that!
    im sorry

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger Sholom said…

    Actually, the community is right about the libraries. Case in point; I used to sneak away from Yeshiva to read books at the Brooklyn Public Library, and today I am one of the biggest Apikorsim whom you will ever meet.

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger reluctant rebel said…

    BS, Think of what will be best for your child in the long run.

    LOL, shalom, same story here, everything I do wrong is blamed on the fact that they didn't crack down on my secret excursions to the library enough. (oh well, they did try)

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger your ok im ok said…

    shalom, i think they are afraid of us getting more knowledge than they provide us. i dont think u turned into what u are cuz u had access to the library, its cuz u realized your truth

  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger Lvnsm27 said…

    I understand about prefering to sit in a class instead of doing it online. But if want to do the class without feeling like you are abandoning your child, that might be the only way, unless you choose to go when they are older but that will take awhile.


  • At November 15, 2006, Blogger beautiful-stranger said…

    No, I dont think the libraries are to blame either for one's change of beliefs or religion.

  • At November 16, 2006, Blogger socialworker/frustrated mom said…

    I hear your frustrations and could understand and relate on some level. I hope you find peace from within.

  • At November 16, 2006, Blogger Sara with NO H said…

    Hey those "contraband books" can be some of the best books out there.

  • At November 16, 2006, Blogger beautiful-stranger said…


    thank you dear


    contraband books were my "favorite" growing up. I always found it most enticing. ;)

  • At November 16, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    come on, stop kvetching, start living life with a smile, it's mucch more fun, don't belive me, try it.
    life aint over yet, so don't cry on your past, get your act togather, and live life tzu g-t un tzu leit

  • At November 17, 2006, Blogger beautiful-stranger said…

    I was living life tzi "gut" in tzi "leit", that was my problem.;)

  • At November 23, 2006, Blogger eSBee said…

    wow! quite sharp! i ahev lotsa complaints about teh frum world out there. i grew up in lubavitch and i could go on and on. even though lubavitch is known 2 b teh most open. but im just curious what sect of chassidim r u reffering 2. i was reading waht u wrote and it certainly cant be chabad. chabad is very into education and teh outside world. thast 1 good thing.

  • At November 23, 2006, Blogger beautiful-stranger said…

    so you wanna know what sect of chasidis I come from..
    well, its the streimal, white socked, black and white clad, yiddish speaking, shpitzel wearing people.
    clear enough description? sounds familiar at all?

  • At December 01, 2006, Blogger Joolya said…

    I'mnot sure if my comment went through before so I will reiterate:

    I'm mad impressed by anyone who grows up in a sheltered, narrow-minded family/community but whose natural curiousity lets them break out of that and find their own way, morally and intellectually. It's easy enought to be open-minded or liberal or intellectually curious if your parents instilled those things as virtues from birth - how much more amazing is it to really actually think for yourself, even at the cost of rejecting what your parents believe?

    It's a terrible disservice to a young mind to force it into not questioning, not wanting to explore the world, in case that young mind might come to a different conclusion. Yu sound like a pretty smart cookie to me.

    Keep fighting the man, girl.

  • At December 01, 2006, Blogger Joolya said…

    I reckon if one's worldview/religion/philosphy has such shaky fundations that it can't withstand the threat of the freaking Library, i.e. the existence of other worldviews and information, it's probably not a particularly useful or well-formulated philosophy and is not worth maintaining.

    But then I am a wicked apostate and shiksa anyway! (But a shiksa who does know all the Shabbos prayers...)

  • At December 01, 2006, Blogger brianna said…

    You were deprived as a child - mostly of education. You were deprived of a high school diploma and parents who said you can be anything you want to be if you try hard enough. But you're too old and smart to be deprived now.

    After all, what control to they have over you now? You speak English, you have brains and seem savvy. You CAN do one of those GED programs within a few months and then go to a state school. The dirty little secret is that the only advantage of going to the fancy private colleges for undergrad is the connections. Once you graduate from a prestigious graduate school no one cares about anything else.

    What I'm saying is that you are used to having very little control over your life. But now you can take the things that you want. You can live a life that is not about pregnancy and birth in 9 month intervals. It's just that power is foreign to you.

    Give yourself a little credit. You can break free. Either that or let the restrictive community you were born into chain you forever. It's not my life we're talking about. It's yours.

  • At December 04, 2006, Blogger beautiful-stranger said…


    I agree. theres just someting about rebellion....that I find viciously attractive.
    I admire, and give credit to anyone who had the courage , and was brave enough to come out and show the beauty and true colors of there real selfs, in regards of how they might be looked down upon by everyone.
    so damn true. If they cant withstand the threat of library, and so many other stuff, then it sais something about them. If theyre so confident in there religion and fanaticism...then wheres there security...? I certainly dont see it.
    now this will definitely weakens one's faith


    education is just a very small fraction of what I was deprived of as a kid.
    but anyhow, you were right w/ everything you said. I cant go into much detail here, and its a bit more complicated then that. Im in a situation right now, where life doesnt allow me to do whatever I want. I hope things will get easier for me down the line....and it day...I know what I want and thats most important

  • At July 18, 2008, Blogger Dana Friedman said…

    I was once very close to a man who inherited $40 million. He was the sole heir to his mother's fortune. He liked me, and was very generous. He liked to party. He had recently been freed from the grip of his mother, and from relative poverty. The only person who was there to ensure he didn't spend it all was the executor of the estate, who was also his accountant and financial advisor. He went a little crazy with spending at first. I was the beneficiary of his generosity. Eventually he calmed down with the spending, though. He lived well, treated friends to dinner, and bought the (somewhat artificial) affection of a lot of people. He explored things that hadn't been open to him prior to his having money.

    The only sad part is that he became a little reckless within the bounds he was allowed. He spent money on the wrong things, and bought the affections of the wrong people, several of whom ended up ripping him off, seeing him only as a "sugar daddy", and leaving him broken. He had a few very good friends, though. They stuck with him till he died ten years ago.

    You're in a similar position, only your freedom has nothing to do with money. Doors are open to you now that you didn't see as available when you were inside Satmar. Learn from the mistakes of the very nice man who was taken advantage of. Take your newfound freedom SLOWLY and in moderation. If you feel any desire at all to commune with anything Jewish, by all means do it. Go to a relatively accepting synagogue. There are many in New York—especially Manhattan. I read your post about Times Square and New Years Eve 2007. It's a little taste of too much freedom, perhaps. I admire your gumption, and your desire to be happy.


  • At October 05, 2008, Blogger david said…

    I think you have gone from one extreme to another. The Satmar Chasidim are certainly not my cup of tea either and I am a orthodox Jew. Their hatred of Israel has made them wacko.
    I am sorry that they took you for a ride. Judaism is a beautiful thing they just have destroyed it for some.

    Its very sad

  • At October 12, 2008, Anonymous Rochel said…

    may i ask you if you ever talked with your mother about her teshuva, why she decided to become a Satmer ? i think that she could have used her secular education to open you and your siblings to both world and show that there is not only bad things outside the frum community. it can be a chance to be a pious jew and open minded and well educated.

  • At August 27, 2009, Blogger loginn said…

    I read your story in a brazilian magazine...can't do anything...just feel sorry for you both(at the end...we all [the huge OTHERS] are just cattle for your people...)
    From southern Brazil
    another goy in the wall!

  • At September 29, 2009, Anonymous facethetruth said…

    hehe loginn I can`t believe you believed that crap that galileu wrote...I`m jewish,brazilian,orthodox and proud of being them three. That moron that wrote the article lied a lot. You should be ashamed of believing his Mein Kampfist report of jews.
    and to you gitty,you don`t need to be OTD if u don`t want to be Satmer. You know that,and shame on you in portraying the whole Torah life as some dumbnesse`s of stupid kanaim.
    face the truth!


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