the italian guy...oy vay

Here is the link...check it out...very funny!

http://www.huaren.com/fun/english.htm

Here it is in text...read on...enjoy!

Poor guy...all he wanted was a piss....i mean a "piece" of toast....and a shit....ehem....a sheet...lol.....and did i forget to mention a fuck...sorry i meant a...uh...fork next to his plate! lol!


One day I gonna to Malta to a big hotel, in the morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tell the waitress that I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her "I wanna two pieces". She say "Go to the toilet". I say "you don't understand, I wanna two pieces on my plate". She say to me: "you better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch". I do not even know this lady and she call me a sonnawabitch !!
Later I go to eat at a bigger restaurant. The waiter brings me a spoon and a knife but no fork. I tell her "I wanna a fork" and she tell me: "everyone wanna f@?k ". I tell her "you don't understand me... I wanna fork on the table". She say: "you better not f@?k on the table you sonnawabitch" .

So I go back to my room in my hotel and there is no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him "I wanna a sheet". he tell me to go the toilet. I say "you don't understand I wanna a sheet on my bed". He say: "you better not shit on the bed, you sonnawabitch".

I go to the Check out and the man at the desk said "peace on you", and I say: "Piss on you too, you sonnawabicth". I gonna back to Italy !

Bitchology

BITCHOLOGY
When I stand up for
myself and my beliefs,
they call me a
bitch .
When I stand up for
those I love,
they call me a
bitch .

When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts
or do things my own way, they call me a
bitch .

Being a bitch
means I won't
compromise what's
in my heart.
It means I live my life
MY way.
It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.

When I refuse to
tolerate injustice and
speak against it, I am
defined as a
bitch .

The same thing happens when I take time for
myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken,
opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that!

So try to stomp on me,
try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me.
You won't succeed.

And if that makes me a bitch ,
so be it.
I embrace the title and
am proud to bear it.
B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Beautiful
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

"Smoking" and how its so "wonderfully bad"

Feel the smooth puffs of smoke escaping the couples slightly parted lips...watch the velvety rings of smoke ascend, as its slowly drifting together....disappearing into the misty haze above...
uhhh...ahem...sorry...I got carried away again....

Anyway, Im addicted to the evil cigarettes...yes I smoke...and Im a slave to it. And it bothers me. What bugs me most is that Im not in control of neither mind nor body...meaning...even if I've ever wanted to quit I couldnt...Ive tried many times, but I felt it was pointless....was always unsuccessful.

Dont get me wrong guys, smoking is indeed a pleasure for me, and I enjoy every minute of it...but it will always leave me with a guilty conscience.
I look at it as an act of masochism. It might sound a little extreme. But thats what it is. Has that thought ever crossed your mind?
Theres a part of me saying...ahh...screw it lady...what da hell...enjoy it...youll stop whenever you'll stop. But theres this other side saying hey its wrong!

I guess thats exactly what addiction is all about...it takes over every part of you and controls you...wether you like it or you dont..

Anyway...blah...blah...
wondering if theres any one out there that can relate to this predicament
or not-
would like to hear from you anyway...